


Daydreamin’

by Toomanyfandoms99



Series: Lebanon Codas: A Trilogy [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s14e13 Lebanon, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Episode: s14e13 Lebanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 03:45:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18024062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toomanyfandoms99/pseuds/Toomanyfandoms99
Summary: As Cas and Zachariah started to throw Sam and Dean around the restaurant, Dean couldn’t help but think about running away.He wanted to run away with Cas.  Go somewhere and talk this all out.  Dean didn’t feel like getting beat up today.But oh well.Where would they go?  Would they get in the Impala and randomly pick a direction?  Would they just drive, taking turns at the wheel?





	Daydreamin’

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from the Ariana Grande song of the same name. Enjoy this final part!

Everything that happened in that restaurant destroyed Dean’s state of mind.

When he saw Cas, he thought he would recognize him. He thought Cas’s lips would tug at the corner of his mouth, his eyes squinting as he smiled. He thought Cas would look at the Winchester brothers with wary blue-gray eyes, sighing a little in relief upon seeing they were safe. 

He thought Cas would look at him, and know him, and take him away somewhere. 

He suddenly didn’t care about the once-in-a-lifetime family dinner that resulted in this entire mess. He just wanted Cas back.

That was all.

The pearl malfunctioned. Perhaps it only brought a desire into being.

Because Dean’s heart had desired Cas ever since he could remember.

When did it happen? When did Cas become more than a friend in his mind?

He doesn’t know.

Jane Austen was right. Sometimes, you find love in the middle, with no beginning or end that could be recalled.

Dean read sometimes. Shut up.

As Cas and Zachariah started to throw Sam and Dean around the restaurant, Dean couldn’t help but think about running away.

He wanted to run away with Cas. Go somewhere and talk this all out. Dean didn’t feel like getting beat up today.

But oh well.

Where would they go? Would they get in the Impala and randomly pick a direction? Would they just drive, taking turns at the wheel?

Dean knows he would let Cas drive his car. And besides, he was getting old. He couldn’t spend days behind the wheel anymore.

Would they get lost on off-roads and find something beautiful? A wonder of the world? A secret place where they could lay low and hide? A place of their own? An abandoned cabin where they could live? A nice kitchen where Dean could cook? A garden for Cas to tend to in the backyard?

What would Cas plant? Vegetables? Fruit trees? Flowers? All of the above? Would he take up half the goddamn woods with his garden? What type of seeds would he pick? What type of trees would he plant into the dirt? Would he need trellises and planter boxes?

Dean would make them for him.

Dean would cut down trees and chop the wood himself. He would paint the wood and hammer in the nails and create beautiful things for Cas’s garden.

As Zachariah got an angel blade to the heart, Cas advanced with more force than before. Dean allowed more pain to follow with little resistance.

Yes, Dean would fix anything that needs fixing and cook anything that needs cooking.

He would make sure Cas was comfortable in their home together. He would make sure Cas never got nightmares from his time as a human or an angel or anything in between. He would make sure Cas was content and smiling every second of every hour of every day.

He would be everything Cas needed. Cas deserved to be appreciated and pampered and cared for.

Cas deserved the love of all those who encountered him. Cas was good. He was kind. He had his flaws, but his intentions were always pure. 

He has been through too much. Both of them have. When would they get to rest? When would their lives be theirs?

When would the life that Dean had just mapped out in his head come true?

Cas suddenly had Dean up against a wall, his hands closing around his throat.

Dean didn’t feel the need to struggle. He wanted Cas to knock him out. Render him unconscious. His mind was wandering when and where it shouldn’t. His mind needed to shut up. He needed to get his head in the fucking game.

Posies and daffodils and geraniums and marigolds and bluebells. Those are the flowers Cas would plant. Those flowers and more. Strain upon strain. Every color of the rainbow. Every shade in between.

Goddammit, Dean.

Petunias and hyacinths and lilacs and buttercups and orchids and roses.

Roses for love.

They would be the most amazing roses in the entire goddamn world. Their color would be a rich red, purer than blood, as crimson as lipstick. The petals would never fall, even in winter, when the snow was at its heaviest, when the wind chill was at its coldest. The roses would remain, weather-resistant to even earthquakes and tornadoes. The roses would defy the odds, just like Dean’s love for Castiel.

Love. Even now.

Even when Dean had Michael rattling around in his mind. Even when Dean had enough issues to fill Billie’s library of deaths. Even when Dean was being choked out by the man he loved.

Dean still loved Cas. Nothing could make him stop loving Cas. Nothing could make him stop hoping for a better life. Nothing could make him stop daydreaming to cope with reality.

Dean managed to say Cas’s name as a plea for help. Dean almost thought Cas recognized the nickname.

Too bad Sam banished him with a sigil before Dean could find out more.

Dean gasped for air, feeling bruises welt near his eye and cheek. He touched his lips, and felt the bleeding split there.

Love, quite literally, hurt.

————

Mary touched the cheek bruise with the pad of her index finger. Dean winced as she asked softly, “who did this?”

“Cas,” Dean murmured, sniffling to sharpen his dulled senses. “He’s not our Cas.”

Mary frowned concernedly. “He beat both of you up pretty bad.”

Dean said nothing, his split lip burning from applied cream.

“We should fix things.”

Dean looked up at his mother in shock. “You...you want to give up Dad?”

“I had my time with your father,” Mary said, lightly placing her palm on Dean’s bruised cheek. “And it’s become clear to me ever since you walked in here that Cas is more important to you.”

Dean stared at his scuffed boots. “You would,” he said blandly, “do that for me?” He huffed in disbelief.

“I would,” Mary said assuredly. “I really would.” A beat. “I know how deeply you care for Cas.”

Dean didn’t bat an eye as he looked at Mary. “Oh, Mom.” An incredibly embarrassing giggle bubbled up from his throat, and he smiled because he didn’t know what else to do. “That’s an understatement.”

He felt very foolish, then, casting his eyes downwards again. Reality set in, and he tried not to drown in his own misery.

Mary’s hand left his cheek, the absence of warmth jarring Dean from his stupor. He sniffled again and saw Mary’s face swim in his vision.

“We’re fixing this,” Mary said determinedly, “and you’re going to tell Cas. Hear me?”

“He understands,” Dean said automatically. “He always understands.”

————

As John disappeared, Cas descended the bunker staircase.

An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. A father for an angel. It was the best deal Dean had ever made.

And the worst.

Dean could not tell Cas. Not ever. He couldn’t tell Cas about any of the things he hoped for.

Not because of the fear that Cas would reciprocate. He knew Cas did. He knew it as surely as he knew the sky was blue. 

He couldn’t tell Cas because of the fear Cas would indeed reciprocate, and compromise them both.

Dean allowed Sam to tell Cas the story of what happened, keeping his mouth shut.

He was afraid of what would come out if he did.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
